How to Get Your Teen to Believe in Herself

Believing in oneself is the first step to success, happiness, and a feeling of control in life. It is also a learned behaviour that becomes a habit when practiced over time. Likewise, self-doubt and feelings of inferiority can also become a habit if practiced frequently.

If you find your teen has a low opinion of herself, telling her to be more positive isn't going to change much. She has settled into a habitual way of thinking about herself and will need a little more work before she can change how she think of herself. You can help her change a step at a time. To get her to change, you'll have to address her thoughts, emotions, and behaviour one at a time while understanding that all 3 work together in synchrony.

Here are steps to help you boost your teen's belief in herself. Follow these steps in the order listed. Remember, this is a journey. These types of changes usually don't happen instantly. Give yourself a month to 2 months before you start seeing behavioural changes.

1. Investigate what behaviour you are modeling: Change your behaviour before you attempt to help your child, lest you be called a hypocrite. Would you take a coach seriously if she asked you to stop smoking, start eating healthier, and exercise more when you know she did the exact opposite? Would this coach motivate you to change your life? Would you take her seriously? It works the same way in the parent-child relationship. So, stand back for a week to observe your life and get an idea of the behaviour and language you model to your kids. Ask yourself if you model confident and assertive behaviour. Do you often speak about how you are unsure of your skills and what you have to offer to the world?

2. Find out her thoughts: If you are worried about her low self-esteem, her lack of belief in herself, and suspect something is amiss, speak to her! Chose neutral words and a nonjudgmental attitude when speaking to her. Bring up examples you have witnessed to get to the root cause of why she doubts herself and her abilities. To find out where this feeling originated, ask her which events led her to start questioning her capability. Get her to list as many events as she can remember and line them up in chronological order. This way you can get an idea of how this thought originated and how it solidified her belief.

3. Share positivity: Show your teen you believe in her. Remind her of the many successes she has had and the hard work she put in to accomplish them. Ask her if she were to put in the same amount of effort in another activity, if that would lead to success? Ask her to list the lessons learned and how her newfound knowledge would influence her future decisions and behaviour. Ask her to provide a different interpretation of the same events when she concluded she wasn't good enough (what are other reasons the event did not turn out?). Share some of your own stories where you wished you believed in yourself or where in hindsight you learned you are a lot smarter and courageous then you ever thought.

4. Challenge her: Challenge her to try new things and retry some old things. The reason this step comes last is because you need to do some cognitive work before her behaviour will change. By now you have started to demonstrate more uplifting behaviour (so you are not a hypocrite), you have addressed the root cause of why she stopped believing in herself, you have illustrated many of her successes, and let her know you believe in her even if things don't work out the first time around. These changes add to her confidence and believing in herself becomes a tad easier.

Best Wishes to Your family!

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The Power Of Positive Parenting

We live in a world that constantly reminds us about the NEGATIVES in life. It's tough to get through even one hour a day without some media prophet of doom, nay sayer or pundit reminding us about how bad things are. It is any wonder that most of us have negative self thoughts? These thoughts quickly become actions and get passed on to others, including our families.

Negativity is not something that most people willingly accept. We are naturally turned off by negative people, things and ideas. It's forced on us by those already indoctrinated into its insidious attributes. These include sadness, hopelessness and surrender to a culture that thrives on bad news. Conversely, positive people tend to be infectious and spread optimism to all those they meet throughout the day.

The people in our lives who are most vulnerable to Negativity are children. Young children, adolescents and even most teens lack the emotional, social and behavioral skills to process and deal with a constant flow of negative information and actions. It's bad enough that many face things like bullying at school, but when parents join in by labeling their kids or failing to recognize negative self imagining, things go from bad to worse.

What we say today can affect a child for their entire life. That's why parents have to be careful not to label their children by making these kinds of statements:

"You're too stupid to understand why I am telling you to do this; but you had better do it anyway."

"You're a real slob. Only a slob would make a mess like this!"

"I was never as lazy as you are. You had better get your act together."

Parents also need to watch for statements made by their kids that may indicate serious self-esteem issues caused by themselves or others:

"My teachers think I'm stupid."

"No body likes me."

"I can't do anything right."

"I'm ugly."

"I think everybody would be better off if I were dead."

These kinds of ideas do not just fly into a child's brain. They are planted there by others: Family, friends, teachers, authority figures. If your child is saying these kinds of things, you need to find out why and take positive actions to change his or her self evaluation. If not, disaster can follow in the form of self-destructive behavior. Some kids will lash out verbally or physically. Others will cut themselves, hurt themselves, try to hurt others, break the law or attempt suicide.

Start your positive parenting program by getting to the source of any ideas that may be causing your child or children to have low self esteem. Make sure you are not a part of the problem. Think carefully about the things you say to them. Set house rules so that RESPECT replaces verbal or physical abuse by siblings. Make sure influences outside of the home are not causing or adding to them problem. Speak to teachers and other authority figures in your child's life and talk to their friends.

Sometimes speaking to your child's friends and even their classmates can yield information that you might not be able to get from teachers or authority figures who may not recognize the problems or may even be a part of them. Bullies are easy to spot because they don't tend to think that what they are doing is wrong; they might even think it's funny. A bully may say something like this to you: "So, you are that Nerd's Mom!" I have seen this happen.

Once you get things cleaned up outside the home and make it clear to everyone in the family that negativity, bullying or verbal and physical abuse if not an option, start working on your child's self esteem. Ask them to make a list of positive personal attributes. Concentrate on the positive things that they and others would notice about their body, personality, skills and talents. Encourage them to begin a daily diary or journal of thoughts and things in their life that they are willing to share with you at the end of every week.

Dairies will include what is important in a child's life. Knowing what is important to them can help you be a better parent. This is especially true if you find more negative statements than positive ones on a regular basis. This gives you a starting point to work out those kinds of things with your child. Remember, they probably do not possess the intellectual tools to cope with constant negativity. You have to try and replace as much of that negativity as you can and help them to learn how to cope and deal with whatever remains.

It can be a benefit to your child and you to try and bring positive things and people into your lives. Take them to see an uplifting movie. Attend religious services at a church that has a track record of turning kids on to positive things and ideas. Suggest books and media that entertain, but also inspire them. Watch out for obsessions that your child might have with negative people, ideas, video games, books, television or on line programming. Replace these with positive things.

Be sure that you acknowledge positive behavior. If your child gets a good grade, finishes a chore on time or does something else that deserves notice, make sure you thank them and tell them how much you appreciate the positive things they do everyday. Rewards are also good, but should not be excessive. Sometimes just taking your child shopping with you, to a favorite park or event is enough to let them know that they are on the right path and that you appreciate them.

No child's life is going to be perfect and no parent is going to be able to raise a perfect child. What we all can do is to make sure that our attention is constantly focused on the lives of our children. This allows us to be proactive and see problems coming before our kids are so overwhelmed by them that they give up and give in to despair.

Bill Edwards is a popular Speaker, Author and Consultant with eclectic interests. He offers practical advice about life decisions, work issues and Christian topics. Visit my website for more articles, books and information.

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Parents Guide - Dos and Don'ts

As parents, we often think that we don't need a parents guide, that we should instinctively know how to discipline our kids, end tantrums, etc. The reality is that the great majority of parents do need a parents guide because parenting has to be learned!

In this short but hopefully helpful parents guide, I'm going to give simple but essential dos and don'ts that any parent should know and apply. These guidelines will not only help you strengthen the bond with your child but will also help you teach respect and discipline in order for your child to obey the rules and understand them. The dos and don'ts of this parents guide are the basics of a good parenting style.

Dos

• Do talk in a quiet voice. Raising your voice is never effective and pushes your child to yell back. It also shows your child that you have no real control over the situation.
• Do tell your child you love him as often as possible, especially when you punish his bad behavior as children tend to think we love them less when we punish them. Make clear it's his behavior that isn't acceptable, not him. This is a very important point of this parents guide. Apply it!
• Do explain things very clearly. What's obvious to you isn't to your child. Tell him what he's going to do today, repeat if necessary. Children can be upset by a sudden change of program!
• Do prevent a bad behavior from happening by telling your child how you expect him to behave prior to going somewhere with him for instance. Parents who don't think they need a parents guide rarely apply this easy yet effective parenting advice!
• Do justify the rules. Children accept rules they understand. Just saying "no" isn't enough. You need to explain why you forbid this or that and why your decision is fair and good.
• Do create routines. Routines are important as they reassure the child while helping him with things he might be reluctant to do (going to bed, coming to eat, going to the doctor,...). Routines are fun for kids!
• Do what you say. If you said to your child he would be punished if he draws on the wall, you HAVE to punish him if he does. It's very important that your child understands that consequences to his bad actions are real, otherwise he won't respect you.
• Do share things about you to your child. Showing your vulnerability is important. If your child sees you're human and understands you were a child too, he'll relate to you more and share his feelings more easily.

That's it for the dos. Now let's see the things you should NOT do.

Don'ts

• Don't spank your child. Ever. It means it's ok to hit, to express anger without words. If your child hits you, tell him it hurts and show him how to express his feelings with words. There's some controversy about this but please trust our parents guide. Spanking is wrong and ineffective.
• Dont set expectations that are too high. Your child will be afraid to disappoint you if he fails and it might prevent him from building his self esteem.
• Don't spend a day without listening to what your child has to say, even if he's making up a story. It's very important to make eye contact and showing interest in your child's life.
• Don't compare your child to his siblings or friends. Even in a positive way. Just celebrate your child's uniqueness!
• Don't do things for your child. Let him try first, allow him to fail and try again. It's an important lesson. If parents guide children in every step, they still need to let children learn from experience.
• Don't ask open questions to your child (under 4) like "what do you want to wear?". Rather give him the choice between 2 things ("the red or green shirt").
• Don't interpret your child's behavior in a too literal way. A child's bad behavior is always the expression of a need that isn't met, something that isn't expressed. Try to look for the cause of a bad behavior before reacting impulsively.

I hope the advices of this parents guide help you see what you can improve in your parenting. The following paragraph might interest those of you who don't feel this parents guide is enough.

What if this parents guide isn't enough?

For parents of children that have a recurring bad behavior and bad habits that are anchored and almost impossible to manage, a parents guide with parenting advices isn't enough as what your child needs right now is a different, consistent and coherent parenting method.

Some parents and therapists have created parenting methods that help parents applying parenting skills step by step. These programs are very detailed and complete parents guide (or parenting programs). They present effective parenting techniques that are made easy to apply and that are guaranteed to work even on very difficult children.

With other parents we actually tested several of them so if you feel like you might need a parenting program to help you with your child, feel free to follow the link to visit our site about parenting help to see our selection of effective parenting programs and read our reviews.

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Why Should Children Read And How To Get A Child To Read

Why Should Children Read?

Reading is an essential skill children must learn to be successful at school. Why? Because reading is NEEDED to learn about most other subjects. Most of their learning is done from reading, whether it is books, magazines, workbooks from the teacher or writing on the blackboard, the ability to read is a must.

After all, how can you answer maths, science or social studies questions if you can't read them? It's impossible right? Yes, the ability to read is crucial and the better a child can read the easier they will learn in school.

How To Get A Child To Read!

There are plenty of ways to encourage your children to read. Remember, they are children, so get them involved and make it fun, fun, fun. They can help you bake and read recipes, read toy coupons and pamphlets that come in the mail, read comics, labels at shopping or road signs while driving. Think of fun games you can play while shopping, driving or walking to school, it will be of great benefit to your child.

5 REASONS To Encourage Reading

1. Smarter Children: Pretty obvious really. The more they read, the more they learn - the more they learn, the more they know - the more they know, the smarter they are.

2. Reduces Stress: Wow, that's interesting! Think about it, when you're reading you sit in a quiet place, still your mind and focus on reading. Your mind slows down and you're generally calm and relaxed. This relaxed state is similar to meditating and kids will benefit in developing the habit of relaxation.

3. Develops Cognitive (mental processing) Skills: Reading develops children's imaginations and creativity. What better way to encourage your child to dream! It also encourages logical thinking and problem solving skills.

4. Enhanced Concentration & Discipline: Along with reading comprehension comes a stronger self-discipline, longer attention span, and better memory retention, all of which will serve your child well while learning at school.

5. Better Communication Skills: By witnessing the interactions between the characters in the books, as well as the contact with you during reading time, your child is gaining valuable communication skills. It's also a perfect opportunity to spend quality time together and bond with your child, many of us have fond memories of times spent reading with parents.

5 WAYS To Encourage Reading

Okay, so reading is important now how do you get your kids to read?

1. Make Books Available & Accessible: Children who become readers usually come from homes where books and other reading materials are present throughout the house. Keep plenty of books around the house and make sure they're easy to get to, don't hide them away so they can't access them whenever they want.

2. Lead By Example: Children often adopt the habits of their parents so it's a good way to encourage your child to read. If your children see you enjoy reading, they are more likely to develop the same habit.

3. Visit The Library Regularly: Take your children to the library often. Let them get excited about choosing their own books. Most libraries have story time where librarians read stories to children or they run different activities to encourage reading. Become a member of the library and participate in activities so your child looks forward to visiting the library.

4. Make Reading Fun: Children prefer to do things that are fun. Make story time enjoyable, act out stories, use different voices and read with enthusiasm. A boring reader makes for a boring story no matter how exciting the story may really be. You'll find you'll enjoy reading time too.

5. Personalized Books: Get your child a personalized book of their own. Children are amazed when they realize the story is about them. They boost self-esteem and are a great way to encourage reading. The books are fantastic keepsakes your child will treasure for a very long time.

So there are some tips on the importance of reading and how to encourage reading in your child. It really is a key skill that will greatly benefit your child through their education. If you're interested in personalized books you can find a good variety at reasonable prices here: Popular Personalized Books For Kids.

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